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Archive for the ‘Love Languages’ Category

Miscellaneous Thoughts on the Subject of Apology

Posted by ProliferatingTruth on April 17, 2012

* Whoever said “Love means never having to say you’re sorry” … knew nothing whatsoever about love, and OBVIOUSLY knew nothing whatsoever about saying you’re sorry.

* Mercy and compassion, specifically as they relate to forgiveness and apology, are like a personal loan: You give them, but if you’re wise, you only do so with the expectation an understanding that you may actually never get paid back.

* Pride is the perpetrator that perpetually prevents apology.

* Awaiting an expected apology, is the equivalent of perpetually nursing your wounds and your offenses.

* Verbally accept responsibility for “your share” of an offense in your attempt to offer an apology. Don’t attempt to calculate exactly what that share is – either on your part, or on your offender’s part. Then, leave it at that, and move on.

* Forgiveness and apology are flip sides of the same coin. Each complements, and completes, the other.

* Condescend to, and have pity upon, the man who is too inexperienced, or perhaps simply too proud, to apologize.

* Love is Rule #1 in Relationships. Therefore … Apology is Rule #1, as well.

* An unwillingness to offer a sincere and evidenced apology, is a guaranteed way to destroy all of your relationships.

Posted in Apology, Forgiveness, Friendship, Love, Love Languages, Relationships | Comments Off

Relationships 101: Eight Essential Relationship Lists

Posted by ProliferatingTruth on November 26, 2011

Click Here to Download the PDF Version of "Relationships 101: Eight Essential Relationship Lists"

Matthew 12:28-34 - One of the scribes came, and having heard them reasoning together, and perceiving that [Christ] had answered them well, asked him, Which is the first commandment of all? 29 And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord: 30 And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. 31 And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these. 32 And the scribe said unto him, Well, Master, thou hast said the truth: for there is one God; and there is none other but he: 33 And to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love his neighbour as himself, is more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices. 34 And when Jesus saw that he answered discreetly, he said unto him, Thou art not far from the kingdom of God.

The Four Basic Temperaments:

  1. Choleric: The Leader (Fast Forward)

  2. Sanguine: The Talker (Play)

  3. Phlegmatic: The Shy One (Pause)

  4. Melancholy: The Perfectionist (Rewind)

 

The Seven Motivational Spiritual Gifts – Romans 12:6-8:

  1. Prophecy

  2. Ministry

  3. Teaching

  4. Exhortation

  5. Giving

  6. Ruling

  7. Mercy

The Five Love Languages:

  1. Giving of Gifts

  2. Acts of Service

  3. Quality Time

  4. Physical Touch

  5. Words of Affirmation

The Five Languages of Apology – Matthew 5:21-26; 18:7; Luke 17:1-4; 14:31-32; Mark 11:24-26:

  1. Expressing Regret: "I’m Sorry."

  2. Accepting Responsibility: "I Was Wrong."

  3. Making Restitution: "How Can I Make It Right?"

  4. Genuine Repentance: "It’ll Never Happen Again."

  5. Requesting Forgiveness: "Please Forgive Me."

Ten Things Forgiveness Is Not:

  1. Forgiveness Is Not Approving or Diminishing Sin.

  2. Forgiveness Is Not Enabling Sin.

  3. Forgiveness Is Not Denying Wrongdoing.

  4. Forgiveness Is Not Awaiting An Apology.

  5. Forgiveness Is Not Forgetting.

  6. Forgiveness Is Not Ceasing to Feel The Pain.

  7. Forgiveness Is Not A One-Time Event.

  8. Forgiveness Is Not Neglecting Justice.

  9. Forgiveness Is Not Trusting.

  10. Forgiveness Is Not Reconciliation.

Forgiveness Is Not Natural – It’s SUPERnatural.

Forgiveness Is …

  1. Giving Up Your Right to Get Even.

  2. Choosing to Stop Feeding the Anger and Resentment Toward the Person Who Hurt You, but Letting Out Your Hurt in a Positive Way.

  3. Letting All Judgments Toward the Person Who has Hurt You Be Handled by God.

  4. Getting to the Place Where You Can Say to the Person Who Harmed You, “I Wish For You a Blessing on Your Life.”

  5. Realizing That the Hurt Perpetrated Against You may Have Been an Unintentional Offense.

  6. Realizing That the Hurt Perpetrated Against You May Have Been a Misunderstanding.

  7. Realizing That the Hurt Perpetrated Against You May Have Been the Result of a Simple Miscommunication.

  8. Realizing That the Hurt Perpetrated Against You may Have Been the Result of Personal Misconceptions, resulting from a Lack of Knowledge About a Person or Situation.

  9. "Forgiveness is the mental and/or spiritual process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger against another person for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution."

Three Powerful Principles of Forgiveness:

  1. When You Have truly Forgiven Someone, You Will Spare Your Offender’s Reputation.

  2. When You Have truly Forgiven Someone, You Will Give God Room To Work With Your Offender, As He Sees Best Fit.

  3. When You Have truly Forgiven Someone, You Will Strive To Willingly Offer Tokens Of Forgiveness And Reconciliation To Your Offender.

Living What You’ve Learned About Relationships – Romans 12:9-21:

1 Let love be without dissimulation – "Love" = agape, or unconditional, love; "Without dissimulation" = sincere, "undisassembled," unfeigned, unhypocritical – or real – Be consistent, and complete, in your investments into people – "undisassembled."

2 Abhor that which is evil – "Abhor" = to detest utterly; "eschew ("eschew" = to turn off, to be completely without) evil" (Job 1:1); "abstain ("abstain" = to hold oneself off, or to refrain) from all appearance ("appearance" = a view, fashion, shape, or sight – if it looks evil, don’t do it)of evil" (1 Thess 5:22); and "whatsoever is not of faith is sin" (Rom 14:23).

3 Cleave to that which is good – "Cleave" = to glue, to stick, or to keep company; and "Good" = good.

10 4 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love – or, "In brotherly love to one
another, love one another fervently."

5 In honour preferring one another – or, "In honor, putting others before you."

11 6 Not slothful in business – or, "In your diligence, not being slothful – "Slothful" = tardy, insolent, or irksome – cf. Prov 25:19 – "Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint."

7 Fervent in spirit – or, "In spirit burning" – "Fervent" = hot, boiling, glowing (spoken of solids), fervid, earnest … fervent in spirit.

8 Serving the Lord – or, "Enslaved to the Lord." – "serving" = to be a slave.

12 9 Rejoicing in hope – "Rejoicing" = being glad and full of joy; "hope" = expectation and confidence" – we ought to rejoice when we hear good news, and especially when we hear that a soul has come to Christ!

10 Patient in tribulation – or "In trouble enduring [or, being longsuffering]" – "Patient" = to undergo, to bear up under, or to have fortitude; "tribulation" = pressure, anguish, or burden.

11 Continuing instant in prayer – or, "In prayer stedfastly continuing" – "Continuing instant" = being earnest towards, persevering, being constantly diligent, to adhere closely to, to attend assiduously to [assiduously = steadily attentive]; "in prayer" = worship or diligent oration towards God. Note: Always pray for people; always have people’s best interests in mind; always be concerned enough, and love people enough, to share their concerns – cf. v. 16; and always be ready to offer your sympathy in any given situation. How utterly important prayer is in our relationships!!!!!

13 12 Distributing to the necessity of saints – or, "Imparting to the needs of the saints." – "Necessity" = employment, occasion, demand, requirement, or destitution. Your love to the saints should be a deep, unrestrained love that provides for their deepest needs.

13 Given to hospitality. = Equipped, capable, prone to and reputable to entertain strangers, esp. "of the household of faith" (Eph 4:28) – Equip yourself to love others – that’s why you’re HERE!!!!!

14 14 Bless them which persecute you – "Bless" = to speak well of, to invoke a benediction upon, to prosper; to praise someone; "persecute" = to ensue or to press forward upon.

15 Bless, and curse not – "Curse" = to doom.

15 16 Rejoice with them that do rejoice – "Rejoice" = to greet or be well with somebody.

17 And weep with them that weep – "Weep" = to sob or to wail – In other words, acknowledge people’s joys and hurts alike – don’t be afraid to sympathize with someone who genuinely hurts, or is genuinely happy.

16 18 Be of the same mind one toward another – "Same" = Gk autos; "mind" = interest, sentiment, opinion, to interest oneself or be concerned with someone – Amos 3:3 asks this question: "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" Note: Do you know what a "cry for help" sounds like?

19 Mind not high things – "High" = lofty things – ideals or concepts, attitudes or detachment.

20 But condescend to men of low estate - "Condescend" = to take off together, to passively yield, to transport or carry away with; "of low estate" = depressed, humiliated, cast down, humble, of low degree, or lowly (cf. notes on v. 12)

21 Be not wise in your own conceits – "Conceits" = proximity, detachment, or uninvolvement; Webster = "having a high opinion of one’s self or ability" – in other words, holding off from others in a theoretical attitude, as an observer, just thinking you have the answers for them, when in fact, you don’t have the answers for them, because you really don’t actually understand them like you think you do.

17 22 Recompense to no man evil for evil - "Recompense" = to give back (freely and readily); "evil" = injury or harm – "To no man" – note that this refers equally to friends, enemies, and all general acquaintances.

23 Provide things honest in the sight of all men – "Provide" = to consider in advance, or to look out beforehand, by circumspection; "honest" = valuable or virtuous; not just some men, or certain men, or your favorite men, but ALL MEN!!!!! – cf. 2 Cor 4: 1-2, esp. v. 2: "Therefore seeing we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we faint not; 2 But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God. "

18 24 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

  • "Possible" = "If you are capable, or if you are able."

  • "As much as lieth in you" – "As much as you can do, with the responsibility and power you have."

  • "Live peaceably" = "Be a peacemaker" – whatever you must personally sacrifice, be a peacemaker; and, in the face of the anger of others, … be a peacemaker.

  • Despite the rage that may be welling up inside of you right now … BE A PEACEMAKER, with ALL MEN! - see note for v. 17.

19 Dearly beloved, 25 avenge not yourselves.

26 But rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord – or, "don’t take things into your own hands, but move out of the way of God’s reproofs in people’s lives" - "Give place" = make room; "Vengeance" = vindication, retribution, or punishment; it means to "requite," or to make repayment or return for something.

20 Therefore 27 if thine enemy hunger, feed him.

28 If he thirst, give him drink: for ["because"] in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head – "Two senses are given of this, which I think are both to be taken in disjunctively. Thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head; that is, “Thou shalt either,” 1. “Melt him into repentance and friendship, and mollify his spirit towards thee” (alluding to those who melt metals; they not only put fire under them, but heap fire upon them; thus Saul was melted and conquered with the kindness of David, 1Sa 24:16; 1Sa 26:21) – “thou wilt win a friend by it, and if thy kindness have not that effect then[;]” [or] 2. “It will aggravate his condemnation, and make his malice against thee the more inexcusable. Thou wilt hereby hasten upon him the tokens of God’s wrath and vengeance.” Not that this must be our intention in showing him kindness, but, for our encouragement, such will be the effect. " (Matthew Henry’s Commentary).

21 29 Be not overcome of evil, but

30 But overcome evil with good.

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Posted in Bitterness, Communication, Forgiveness, Friendship, Justice, Love, Love Languages, Personality Types, Relationships, Repentance, Restoration, Spiritual Gifts, Temperaments | Comments Off

Relationships 101: The "GATTE" To Your Mate

Posted by ProliferatingTruth on October 14, 2011

Click Here to Download the PDF Version of "The ‘GATTE’ To Your Mate"

Based on Bro. Tom Sooter’s Handout, "The ‘Gatte’ To Your Mate"

1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13 – Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth: … And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

Introduction

Learning how to love your life-mate is the secret to a happy and fulfilling marriage. This study investigates the five love gates to help meet the individual needs of your spouse and other significant relationships in your life. The Secret "GATTE" To Your Mate, is to Love Them The Way They Want To Be Loved.

G – Gate #1 is the Giving of Gifts

Many people attach special significance to receiving gifts. It’s not necessarily the expense of the gift, but the thought that "I was remembered," that is really important. Gifts are visible signs of love. Certain people have an inner love gate that opens up and returns warm feelings to those who say, "I’m thinking of you," by giving them gifts. Of course, the greatest give we can give is the gift of our self.

Often, the "Gift Gate" is misunderstood. It may be viewed as selfish, or as a temporal value system. Certain little children may frequently ask if Mom or Dad brought them back something from the store. Often, they are really asking, "Was I important enough for you to remember me while you were gone?"

You can usually spot the person whose Love Gate is receiving gifts, because they will tend to give gifts. Of course, God is the author of giving, and spiritual maturity will always move a Christian to a life of giving.

Proverbs 19:6 – Many will entreat the favour of the prince: and every man is a friend to him that giveth gifts.

Proverbs 17:8 – A gift is as a precious stone in the eyes of him that hath it: whithersoever it turneth, it prospereth.

Matthew 7:11 – If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him.

James 1:17 – Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.

A – Gate #2 is Acts of Service

Some spouses feel they are really being loved and accepted when those around them do little acts of kindness for them. Cooking a meal, washing dishes, emptying the trash, vacuuming, putting up a shelf, polishing shoes, and so on, are perceived as "tokens" of love – "they love me enough to serve me."

To the one who is not aware of the way this gate needs to be loved, it may be misinterpreted as demanding or nagging. As you listen to your spouse’s most frequent requests, you will discover what specific items you can do for them to confirm to them that they are cherished.

If someone in your house is always doing things for you, take note – they may be revealing the specific way in which they want to be loved.

Galatians 6:10 – As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.

Luke 6:31, 33, 38 – As ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same. Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.

1 Corinthians 10:31 – Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.

Matthew 6:24 – No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

Galatians 5:13-14 – For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

T – Gate #3 is Quality Time

Time is always a wonderful gift of love, but to some it is the primary gate that opens up their heart. Your spouse may not be nearly as excited about the gift you brought her while you were both at the mall, or the way you helped her fold clothes, as she was about the time you spent with her.

Time is not always quality time. Being in the same room with your spouse, is not necessarily the same as spending time with your spouse. One person talking, while the other person is reading the paper, or watching TV, is not necessarily "spending quality time" together. Togetherness without distractions, and giving undivided attention, qualifies as "quality time" to this person.

The person with this "gate" is hurt by body language that says, "My body is here, but my mind is elsewhere." And interrupting their words to speed up the conversation, is quickly perceived as the other person’s saying, "I’m being held hostage behind your love gate."

If you are consistently being invited to step aside from activities just to talk or be together, you are probably being given a hint that your spouse’s love-gate is Quality Time.

Matthew 19:5 – For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh.

Hebrews 13:5 – Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

T – Gate #4 is Appropriate Physical Touch

In American culture, the shake of a hand serves as evidence of some level of acceptance or friendship. An embrace among family members is a special manifestation of love, and of closeness in relationships. A pat on the head or shoulder of a youngster is always received as a "Well done," "I’m proud of you," or "You’re special to me." Adults with the "love gate of Touch," also receive physical touch as a special sign of acceptance and love.

Everyone knows how encouraging and healing a hug can be curing a crisis or a time of discouragement. For some people, their primary gate through which they receive confirmation that they are accepted and appreciated, is through the simple act of touch. For instance, even within the same family, one child may be a "hugger," while another child seems to be allergic to embracing. One will always ask, "Daddy, did I color this picture good?" or "Do you like my dress (or hair, and so on)?" while another will frequently ask if he can do something.

To discover the precise love gate that best describes your special relationship, listen to and watch how your child wants to express their love to you.

Song of Solomon 2:6 – His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me.

Mark 10:13 – And they brought young children to him, that he should touch them: and his disciples rebuked those that brought them.

E – Gate #5 is Words of Encouragement and Affirmation

Words can bring death – and they can also bring life - Proverbs 18:21 – "A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle."

"You can catch more flies with sugar, than with vinegar." And so it is with our words. Words can build us up, or they can tear us down. There is a sensitivity in all of us to words, but this is especially true to those of us whose love language is Words of Encouragement and Affirmation.. When these people hear kind words of praise or gratefulness, they receive those words as a declaration that they have importance, worth, and significance to the one speaking those words. Often, the need of a spouse to hear encouraging words leads them to develop wrong relationships, especially if they are not hearing those words in their own marriage.

To get good at giving encouraging words to your spouse, you must be willing to do two things: First, be willing to listen. And Second, practice empathy – try putting yourself in their shoes. And once you hear what your spouse is really saying, then giving them love through encouraging words can be done more easily and effectively.

If your spouse is frequently hurt by the words or the body language you use with them, then you have probably found what love gate they are hiding behind.

Proverbs 16:24 – Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.

Proverbs 15:23 – A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!

Proverbs 25:15 – By long forbearing is a prince persuaded, and a soft tongue breaketh the bone.

Proverbs 29:20 – Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than of him.

The Secret "GATTE" To Your Mate, is to Love Them The Way They Want To Be Loved.

Click Here to Download the PDF Version of "The ‘GATTE’ To Your Mate

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Posted in Love, Love Languages, Relationships | Comments Off

 
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