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Relationships 101: Eight Essential Relationship Lists

Posted by ProliferatingTruth on November 26, 2011

Click Here to Download the PDF Version of "Relationships 101: Eight Essential Relationship Lists"

Matthew 12:28-34 - One of the scribes came, and having heard them reasoning together, and perceiving that [Christ] had answered them well, asked him, Which is the first commandment of all? 29 And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord: 30 And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. 31 And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these. 32 And the scribe said unto him, Well, Master, thou hast said the truth: for there is one God; and there is none other but he: 33 And to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love his neighbour as himself, is more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices. 34 And when Jesus saw that he answered discreetly, he said unto him, Thou art not far from the kingdom of God.

The Four Basic Temperaments:

  1. Choleric: The Leader (Fast Forward)

  2. Sanguine: The Talker (Play)

  3. Phlegmatic: The Shy One (Pause)

  4. Melancholy: The Perfectionist (Rewind)

 

The Seven Motivational Spiritual Gifts – Romans 12:6-8:

  1. Prophecy

  2. Ministry

  3. Teaching

  4. Exhortation

  5. Giving

  6. Ruling

  7. Mercy

The Five Love Languages:

  1. Giving of Gifts

  2. Acts of Service

  3. Quality Time

  4. Physical Touch

  5. Words of Affirmation

The Five Languages of Apology – Matthew 5:21-26; 18:7; Luke 17:1-4; 14:31-32; Mark 11:24-26:

  1. Expressing Regret: "I’m Sorry."

  2. Accepting Responsibility: "I Was Wrong."

  3. Making Restitution: "How Can I Make It Right?"

  4. Genuine Repentance: "It’ll Never Happen Again."

  5. Requesting Forgiveness: "Please Forgive Me."

Ten Things Forgiveness Is Not:

  1. Forgiveness Is Not Approving or Diminishing Sin.

  2. Forgiveness Is Not Enabling Sin.

  3. Forgiveness Is Not Denying Wrongdoing.

  4. Forgiveness Is Not Awaiting An Apology.

  5. Forgiveness Is Not Forgetting.

  6. Forgiveness Is Not Ceasing to Feel The Pain.

  7. Forgiveness Is Not A One-Time Event.

  8. Forgiveness Is Not Neglecting Justice.

  9. Forgiveness Is Not Trusting.

  10. Forgiveness Is Not Reconciliation.

Forgiveness Is Not Natural – It’s SUPERnatural.

Forgiveness Is …

  1. Giving Up Your Right to Get Even.

  2. Choosing to Stop Feeding the Anger and Resentment Toward the Person Who Hurt You, but Letting Out Your Hurt in a Positive Way.

  3. Letting All Judgments Toward the Person Who has Hurt You Be Handled by God.

  4. Getting to the Place Where You Can Say to the Person Who Harmed You, “I Wish For You a Blessing on Your Life.”

  5. Realizing That the Hurt Perpetrated Against You may Have Been an Unintentional Offense.

  6. Realizing That the Hurt Perpetrated Against You May Have Been a Misunderstanding.

  7. Realizing That the Hurt Perpetrated Against You May Have Been the Result of a Simple Miscommunication.

  8. Realizing That the Hurt Perpetrated Against You may Have Been the Result of Personal Misconceptions, resulting from a Lack of Knowledge About a Person or Situation.

  9. "Forgiveness is the mental and/or spiritual process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger against another person for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution."

Three Powerful Principles of Forgiveness:

  1. When You Have truly Forgiven Someone, You Will Spare Your Offender’s Reputation.

  2. When You Have truly Forgiven Someone, You Will Give God Room To Work With Your Offender, As He Sees Best Fit.

  3. When You Have truly Forgiven Someone, You Will Strive To Willingly Offer Tokens Of Forgiveness And Reconciliation To Your Offender.

Living What You’ve Learned About Relationships – Romans 12:9-21:

1 Let love be without dissimulation – "Love" = agape, or unconditional, love; "Without dissimulation" = sincere, "undisassembled," unfeigned, unhypocritical – or real – Be consistent, and complete, in your investments into people – "undisassembled."

2 Abhor that which is evil – "Abhor" = to detest utterly; "eschew ("eschew" = to turn off, to be completely without) evil" (Job 1:1); "abstain ("abstain" = to hold oneself off, or to refrain) from all appearance ("appearance" = a view, fashion, shape, or sight – if it looks evil, don’t do it)of evil" (1 Thess 5:22); and "whatsoever is not of faith is sin" (Rom 14:23).

3 Cleave to that which is good – "Cleave" = to glue, to stick, or to keep company; and "Good" = good.

10 4 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love – or, "In brotherly love to one
another, love one another fervently."

5 In honour preferring one another – or, "In honor, putting others before you."

11 6 Not slothful in business – or, "In your diligence, not being slothful – "Slothful" = tardy, insolent, or irksome – cf. Prov 25:19 – "Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint."

7 Fervent in spirit – or, "In spirit burning" – "Fervent" = hot, boiling, glowing (spoken of solids), fervid, earnest … fervent in spirit.

8 Serving the Lord – or, "Enslaved to the Lord." – "serving" = to be a slave.

12 9 Rejoicing in hope – "Rejoicing" = being glad and full of joy; "hope" = expectation and confidence" – we ought to rejoice when we hear good news, and especially when we hear that a soul has come to Christ!

10 Patient in tribulation – or "In trouble enduring [or, being longsuffering]" – "Patient" = to undergo, to bear up under, or to have fortitude; "tribulation" = pressure, anguish, or burden.

11 Continuing instant in prayer – or, "In prayer stedfastly continuing" – "Continuing instant" = being earnest towards, persevering, being constantly diligent, to adhere closely to, to attend assiduously to [assiduously = steadily attentive]; "in prayer" = worship or diligent oration towards God. Note: Always pray for people; always have people’s best interests in mind; always be concerned enough, and love people enough, to share their concerns – cf. v. 16; and always be ready to offer your sympathy in any given situation. How utterly important prayer is in our relationships!!!!!

13 12 Distributing to the necessity of saints – or, "Imparting to the needs of the saints." – "Necessity" = employment, occasion, demand, requirement, or destitution. Your love to the saints should be a deep, unrestrained love that provides for their deepest needs.

13 Given to hospitality. = Equipped, capable, prone to and reputable to entertain strangers, esp. "of the household of faith" (Eph 4:28) – Equip yourself to love others – that’s why you’re HERE!!!!!

14 14 Bless them which persecute you – "Bless" = to speak well of, to invoke a benediction upon, to prosper; to praise someone; "persecute" = to ensue or to press forward upon.

15 Bless, and curse not – "Curse" = to doom.

15 16 Rejoice with them that do rejoice – "Rejoice" = to greet or be well with somebody.

17 And weep with them that weep – "Weep" = to sob or to wail – In other words, acknowledge people’s joys and hurts alike – don’t be afraid to sympathize with someone who genuinely hurts, or is genuinely happy.

16 18 Be of the same mind one toward another – "Same" = Gk autos; "mind" = interest, sentiment, opinion, to interest oneself or be concerned with someone – Amos 3:3 asks this question: "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" Note: Do you know what a "cry for help" sounds like?

19 Mind not high things – "High" = lofty things – ideals or concepts, attitudes or detachment.

20 But condescend to men of low estate - "Condescend" = to take off together, to passively yield, to transport or carry away with; "of low estate" = depressed, humiliated, cast down, humble, of low degree, or lowly (cf. notes on v. 12)

21 Be not wise in your own conceits – "Conceits" = proximity, detachment, or uninvolvement; Webster = "having a high opinion of one’s self or ability" – in other words, holding off from others in a theoretical attitude, as an observer, just thinking you have the answers for them, when in fact, you don’t have the answers for them, because you really don’t actually understand them like you think you do.

17 22 Recompense to no man evil for evil - "Recompense" = to give back (freely and readily); "evil" = injury or harm – "To no man" – note that this refers equally to friends, enemies, and all general acquaintances.

23 Provide things honest in the sight of all men – "Provide" = to consider in advance, or to look out beforehand, by circumspection; "honest" = valuable or virtuous; not just some men, or certain men, or your favorite men, but ALL MEN!!!!! – cf. 2 Cor 4: 1-2, esp. v. 2: "Therefore seeing we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we faint not; 2 But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God. "

18 24 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

  • "Possible" = "If you are capable, or if you are able."

  • "As much as lieth in you" – "As much as you can do, with the responsibility and power you have."

  • "Live peaceably" = "Be a peacemaker" – whatever you must personally sacrifice, be a peacemaker; and, in the face of the anger of others, … be a peacemaker.

  • Despite the rage that may be welling up inside of you right now … BE A PEACEMAKER, with ALL MEN! - see note for v. 17.

19 Dearly beloved, 25 avenge not yourselves.

26 But rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord – or, "don’t take things into your own hands, but move out of the way of God’s reproofs in people’s lives" - "Give place" = make room; "Vengeance" = vindication, retribution, or punishment; it means to "requite," or to make repayment or return for something.

20 Therefore 27 if thine enemy hunger, feed him.

28 If he thirst, give him drink: for ["because"] in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head – "Two senses are given of this, which I think are both to be taken in disjunctively. Thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head; that is, “Thou shalt either,” 1. “Melt him into repentance and friendship, and mollify his spirit towards thee” (alluding to those who melt metals; they not only put fire under them, but heap fire upon them; thus Saul was melted and conquered with the kindness of David, 1Sa 24:16; 1Sa 26:21) – “thou wilt win a friend by it, and if thy kindness have not that effect then[;]” [or] 2. “It will aggravate his condemnation, and make his malice against thee the more inexcusable. Thou wilt hereby hasten upon him the tokens of God’s wrath and vengeance.” Not that this must be our intention in showing him kindness, but, for our encouragement, such will be the effect. " (Matthew Henry’s Commentary).

21 29 Be not overcome of evil, but

30 But overcome evil with good.

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Posted in Bitterness, Communication, Forgiveness, Friendship, Justice, Love, Love Languages, Personality Types, Relationships, Repentance, Restoration, Spiritual Gifts, Temperaments | Comments Off

Lessons from Nabal

Posted by ProliferatingTruth on September 16, 2011

1 Samuel 25; Matthew 7:12 – "Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets."

1. PEOPLE ARE FICKLE - furthermore, they tend to be selfish and unappreciative. 

2. DON’T BANK ON THE APPRECIATION OR RECIPROCATION OF OTHERS - even when you’ve done your very best to give them every reason to be both reciprocal AND appreciative. 

3. SHARE YOUR BLESSINGS AND RESOURCES – exercise the Golden Rule, that you might be blessed with friends, and not enemies, in life. 

4. DON’T BE CHURLISH – this inspires opposition in others; and, furthermore, it EXASPERATES them. 

5. MAKE UP FOR ANOTHER’S CHURLISHNESS IF POSSIBLE – IF possible, that is. 

6. DON’T FLIP OUT WHEN THINGS DON’T GO AS YOU’D PLANNED OR PRESUMED THEY WOULD GO – don’t overreact, as David did. And don’t blow your stack, as Nabal did. Both reactions have a tendancy to lead to premature death. 

7. KEEP GOD INVOLVED – and align your responses with His merciful character and compassion. BE THE BIGGER MAN – and God will handle your Nabal FOR you.

Posted in Bitterness, Communication, Discouragement, Faithfulness, Forgiveness, Human Nature, Integrity, Leadership, Offense, Persistance, Reconciliation, Relationships, Restoration, Tests | Comments Off

Lessons from Laban

Posted by ProliferatingTruth on September 16, 2011

Genesis 29; Ecclesiastes 5:1-7 – "Keep thy foot when thou goest to the house of God, and be more ready to hear, than to give the sacrifice of fools: for they consider not that they do evil. 2  Be not rash with thy mouth, and let not thine heart be hasty to utter any thing before God: for God is in heaven, and thou upon earth: therefore let thy words be few. 3 For a dream cometh through the multitude of business; and a fool’s voice is known by multitude of words. 4  When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for he hath no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed. 5  Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay. 6  Suffer not thy mouth to cause thy flesh to sin; neither say thou before the angel, that it was an error: wherefore should God be angry at thy voice, and destroy the work of thine hands? 7  For in the multitude of dreams and many words there are also divers vanities: but fear thou God." 

1.  DTA (Don’t Trust Anybody)- not even your future father-in-law. 

2. ALWAYS get the details clear – and, where possible, ALWAYS get them in writing. 

3. INSIST UPON INTEGRITY – even if your Laban HAS none, but insists he’s ACTING WITH integrity. And ALWAYS ACT WITH INTEGRITY YOURSELF. 

4. DO RIGHT – regardless of Laban’s UTTER INABILITY to do right.  And …

5. GET, and KEEP, God involved.

Posted in Boundaries, Communication, Discouragement, Forgiveness, Human Nature, Integrity, Justice, Leadership, Reconciliation, Rejection, Relationships, Resilience, Suffering, Tests, Trust | Comments Off

Applying the Principles of Biblical Separation

Posted by ProliferatingTruth on June 10, 2010

Proverbs 19:12 – "The king’s wrath is as the roaring of a lion; but his favour is as dew upon the grass."

Commentary

"This is to the same purport with what we had Prov 16:14-15, and the design of it is,

"1. To make kings wise and considerate in dispensing their frowns and smiles. They are not like those of common persons; their frowns are very terrible and their smiles very comfortable, and therefore it concerns them to be very careful that they never frighten a good man from doing well with their frowns, nor ever give countenance to a wicked man in doing ill with their smiles, for then they abuse their influence, Rom 13:3.

"2. To make subjects faithful and dutiful to their princes. Let them be restrained from all disloyalty by the consideration of the dreadful consequence of having the government against them; and let them be encouraged in all good services to the public by the hopes of the favour of their prince. Christ is a King whose wrath against his enemies will be as the roaring of a lion (Rev 10:3) and his favour to his own people as the refreshing dew, Ps 72:6."

– Matthew Henry

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Christian Life, Communication, Priorities, Separation | Comments Off

Thoughts on Communication, Teaching, and Leadership

Posted by ProliferatingTruth on April 22, 2010

  1. Effective teaching relates truth to life.

  2. Effective teaching can occur in any place, at any time.

  3. Teaching truth to the next generation is the responsibility of every Christian.

  4. Teaching has not been fully effective until obedience has begun.

  5. The quality of the teacher often determines the quality of the teaching.

  6. Three Things You Should Never Depend Upon In Your Teaching:

    1. Your Power

    2. Your Position

    3. Your Personality

  7. The results of good Christian teaching will be eternal.

  8. A key to successful communication is clarity.

  9. From listening comes wisdom; but from speaking comes repentance.

  10. A dynamic and growing mind is better able to create fresh insights than a lazy mind.

  11. A key to successful communication is the presence of the Holy Spirit in your life.

  12. You cannot truly serve people whom you do not truly love.

  13. People perform better when they know their leader believes in them.

  14. Communicators must grow and accept who they are.

  15. Five Legitimate Sources That Will Back Your Influence In Your Communication:

    1. Endorsement or Approval from God

    2. True Encounters With God

    3. Your Integrity and Character

    4. A Successful Track Record

    5. Preparation

  16. Preparation will bring a profound confidence to you as a speaker.

  17. Insecure people never reach their full potential because they worry too much about what other people are thinking about them.

  18. People who are secure in their identity are not enslaved by the opinions or affirmations of others.

  19. In teaching, don’t try to give people what they want – give them what God wants them to have.

  20. Teachers are obligated to nurture positive attitudes.

  21. In teaching, you take a truth that has personal application to your life, then you give it away.

  22. If a leader can’t manage their own attitude, they can’t be entrusted with the morals of other people.

  23. Five Elements of Spiritual Leadership:

    1. To Move People From Where They Are to Where God Wants Them To Be

    2. A Spiritual Leader Will Depend Upon the Holy Spirit

    3. He Is Accountable to God

    4. You Can Influence All People, Not Just God’s People

    5. He Always Works from God’s Agenda

  24. When spiritual leaders or good communicators do their job, the people around them have encountered God and obeyed His will.

  25. You cannot change someone, but you can help them grow.

  26. The teacher has not taught until someone has learned.

  27. Leaders don’t blame their followers when they do not do what they should do.

  28. Leaders don’t make excuses – they assume their responsibility to move people to do God’s will.

  29. Leader-development is synonymous with personal development.

  30. As you grow personally as a leader or teacher, your capacity to lead and grow will increase right along with it.

  31. A Good Leader or Teacher Has:

    1. Clarity and Persuasiveness In Their Ideas

    2. A Depth to Their Commitment

    3. A Willingness to Learn

  32. Failure is a powerful force in the making of a good leader or communicator.

  33. Failure will not destroy a true leader or teacher, but will instead further develop their character.

  34. Failure and personal crisis do not disqualify people from being leaders.

  35. Without the Holy Spirit’s presence, you can be a leader, but not a spiritual leader.

  36. God matures leaders over a lifetime.

  37. As a follower, consistency will draw your leaders to you.

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Posted in Communication, Leadership, Teaching | Comments Off

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